“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

I orignally wrote this over a month ago and just came across it...

My life, as of late, seems to be in constant motion…constant change. Some of these changes have come by choice and some have not. The only constant has been my willingness to accept these changes. Wait…scratch that. The constant has been my embrace of these changes. I embrace change because, whether it’s planned or not, it forces me to go out of my comfort zone and grow as a person.

As Mary Antin wrote, “We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful. Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth.” Now, I agree that spiritual growth can be slow and painful… but it doesn’t have to be. The less I fight my growth, the more I’m able to both appreciate and learn from it. Life is a process. It’s fluid. Those who refuse to change, who remain stagnant, are destined for irrelevance.

Having gone through a difficult year where change was more of a requirement than a choice; I’ve decided to focus on the things in my life that I should change. Things that I may otherwise ignore, tolerate, etc. This desire to grow… to change… has so far inspired me to question my personal spirituality, and realize my life goals. However, it hasn’t been just my life that I’ve decided to change.

This last Monday was one of the more difficult days of my life. On that day I took my son, whom I’ve had sole custody of for over 8 years, and put him on a plane to Austin Texas where he’ll live with his mother. We’re still unsure of how long it will last. He may stay there until he’s 18 (he’s currently 15) or he may be back in 6 months. This was not a decision made for my convenience. I wasn’t tired of being a father or having a mid-life crisis. I put him on that plane because my son needed change… change of pace, change of outlook, and a change of priorities. In his case change was forced upon him. Hopefully, he listens to me enough to realize the good that can and will come of it.

* After writing this paragraph the mother of my sons’ best friend came knocking at my door. The reason for the visit? To let me know that two of my sons’ friends were burned alive at 2:22 this morning, right around the corner from my house. They were smoking pot in a van (inside their garage) and apparently fell asleep. It caught fire and killed them both. The youngest boy, who my son was caught smoking out with recently, was only 13 years old. So, I guess “change” was more than good in this case. I truly believe that if my son were still here, he would have been in that van.

My decision to relocate my son may have cost me his friendship, but it’s most likely saved his life and forced him to change who he’s been and become the man he’s destined to be.

Like Charles DuBois said, “The important thing is this: To be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”