And I call them......art?

"Pissed in the wind"


I love creative websites. My newest find is Mr. Picassohead

I think what I really like about the site is the fact that you can not only create your own piece, but view a gallery of others as well. It's always interesting to see what other people will come up with when given the chance to use their imagination.

"Beware the office gossips!"

Sure, it's not as good as being outside with real paint...but it certainly helps break up an otherwise tedious day!


Maybe I can compromise when I get home and add a bottle of wine and some french bread to the mix. Certainly that will help me feel more like a real artist!

self portrait of a man bored at work

This is exactly the type of thing that happens when you're bored at work (and "work" happens to involve a computer and Internet access)


It's not a lack of focus that leads me to such silly things as much as a lack of simply being challenged.

I’m not sure why it is that I crave a challenge. I mean, I’m as lazy as the next guy. I can ignore a pair of socks on the floor for a good 2 weeks before finally getting annoyed enough to pick them up. So why is it that I can’t stand it when the “slow time of year” comes around at work? I’ve gone from the kid that would only do enough homework to avoid flunking to the guy who gets annoyed when his coworkers are slacking off.

I remember the good ol’ days when I would complain about how I couldn’t understand women. Now I’m lucky if I understand myself.

Simple, but true...

I LOVE CLOUDS.

There is something magical about clouds. They're fluid and beautiful. No matter what's going on, I can always look up and get lost in them.

Shit or get off the pot!

The internet has always been a funny place to me. Especially when it comes to people: How they interact with one another, relationships formed via cyberspace, and of course “blogs”.

Now, I don’t want to come across as a hypocrite. Yes, I’ve certainly had made friends and such from the internet. Some of my favorite people are friends I’ve met online. And yes I “blog” about things. I think it can be incredibly therapeutic to open your heart up and share things with the world. I recommend it to anyone. But reading some of these blogs (not just on this site) makes me wonder… Do these people enjoy their life at all? Are they happy and only chose to write about the negative, or is that all they have?

Day after day I see these same people repeating the same mistakes. Hating their lives and doing nothing to change things. Having been in a place where I hated my life and myself, I can relate. At the same time, as someone who has gotten off their ass and made the necessary changes needed to be happy, it’s frustrating as hell to see.

Of course there are things in life that you can’t just “fix”. Sometimes change is easier said than done, but it seems to me that we’ve become a society of crybabies who’d rather whine about things than fix them. If your girlfriend treats you like shit, leave her! Tired of feeling like your life is meaningless? Then stop getting wasted every fucking night, move out of mommy and daddy’s house, and take control of your life.

Sure most people want to be happy. (I say “most people” because I’ve know a few people in my life who could only be happy when they had something to bitch about)…. Anyway, sure most people want to be happy. But happiness isn’t a fucking Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstake. You can’t just sit around on your ass waiting for it to show up at your door. Sometimes you have to work for it.

I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life, but my happiness has nothing to do with luck. It didn’t just fall into my lap like a stripper with a weak ankle.

I’m happy because I make the choice to be happy. ..EVERY day.

Yes, I have an amazing woman in my life… and of course that helps. But she didn’t just magically appear. I first had to make the choice. I had to realize I deserved happiness and that I would do what it took to be happy… even if that meant throwing an unloving wife out of my house.

Life isn’t perfect. It would be far too boring if it were.

I have a bum shoulder, bad knees, and less hair on my head than I’d like. I’ve had lows in my life that have brought me to the brink of suicide. None of that means that I can’t be happy. Happiness is a choice. Choose to go outside today and look at the sky. Take in the beauty of the world around you. If there’s something in your life keeping you from being happy, whether it be a person or a job or whatever… cut it out. Remove it from your life like a fucking cancer. You’ll be glad you did.

Or, take the easy way out. Do nothing to change things. Hate your place in life. Dream of obtainable things that you’re too lazy or weak to pursue and cry about it to anyone who’ll listen.

The choice is up to you.

I hope everyone out there has a wonderful weekend and holiday season. May you all find the things in life that make you happy and do whatever you can to spread that happiness to others.

P.S.

There is no need to bring up the plight of the starving, the homeless, etc. My ramblings in this journal are directed toward the typical young American with thousands of possibilities for a wonderful life.

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

I orignally wrote this over a month ago and just came across it...

My life, as of late, seems to be in constant motion…constant change. Some of these changes have come by choice and some have not. The only constant has been my willingness to accept these changes. Wait…scratch that. The constant has been my embrace of these changes. I embrace change because, whether it’s planned or not, it forces me to go out of my comfort zone and grow as a person.

As Mary Antin wrote, “We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful. Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth.” Now, I agree that spiritual growth can be slow and painful… but it doesn’t have to be. The less I fight my growth, the more I’m able to both appreciate and learn from it. Life is a process. It’s fluid. Those who refuse to change, who remain stagnant, are destined for irrelevance.

Having gone through a difficult year where change was more of a requirement than a choice; I’ve decided to focus on the things in my life that I should change. Things that I may otherwise ignore, tolerate, etc. This desire to grow… to change… has so far inspired me to question my personal spirituality, and realize my life goals. However, it hasn’t been just my life that I’ve decided to change.

This last Monday was one of the more difficult days of my life. On that day I took my son, whom I’ve had sole custody of for over 8 years, and put him on a plane to Austin Texas where he’ll live with his mother. We’re still unsure of how long it will last. He may stay there until he’s 18 (he’s currently 15) or he may be back in 6 months. This was not a decision made for my convenience. I wasn’t tired of being a father or having a mid-life crisis. I put him on that plane because my son needed change… change of pace, change of outlook, and a change of priorities. In his case change was forced upon him. Hopefully, he listens to me enough to realize the good that can and will come of it.

* After writing this paragraph the mother of my sons’ best friend came knocking at my door. The reason for the visit? To let me know that two of my sons’ friends were burned alive at 2:22 this morning, right around the corner from my house. They were smoking pot in a van (inside their garage) and apparently fell asleep. It caught fire and killed them both. The youngest boy, who my son was caught smoking out with recently, was only 13 years old. So, I guess “change” was more than good in this case. I truly believe that if my son were still here, he would have been in that van.

My decision to relocate my son may have cost me his friendship, but it’s most likely saved his life and forced him to change who he’s been and become the man he’s destined to be.

Like Charles DuBois said, “The important thing is this: To be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”